So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
