hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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