i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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