You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
