You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
