Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
