sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
