just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
