She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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