Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There r osticjed everywhere
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
