i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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