Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
