Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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