Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize