so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we're making bets on your personal life
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
