Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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