My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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