u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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