i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
