and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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