babies were throwing up all over the place
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize