She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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