Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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