i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize