I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
