Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i came on her dog
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
