I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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