I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
