So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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