bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
