did you get engaged???
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
