i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The air was thick with penises
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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