NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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