I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
