Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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