you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
