put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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