I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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