I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
