happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So squirting runs in the family.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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