Only a mothe r could love this liver
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
