I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize