k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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