she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
