I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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