Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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