your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
