I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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