Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
