What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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