Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
