can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize