I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
