you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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