Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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