i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
