im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
