i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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