Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
