There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
