wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
