fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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