I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize