dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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