are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
