I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
