Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
