Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize