she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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