I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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