I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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