Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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