i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
