Non-Jews are for practice
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
