Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
