If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
