No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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