I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
