no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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