I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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