im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
