i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
