watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
