it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
