If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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