No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
