my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this hospital has no fireball
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
