You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize