if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
