I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize