I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just cropdusted the office
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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