we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
