2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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