There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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