no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
