I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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