We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
