Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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