Soap is not a condiment
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can text with my tongue
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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