I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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