How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
