The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Randomize