i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
