I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just googled if crying burns calories
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
