Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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