I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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