Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
