my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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