I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize