i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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