but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
