Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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