Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
