Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
