if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
