I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
