Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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